Apocalypse Survivalist is reader-supported

Learn more on how you're supporting us.
Whats So Funny

Check out our HUGE List of Zombie Jokes!

We have created the biggest list of Zombie jokes we could find on the internet. Some of this Zombie Jokes may be cheesy, but that wont matter when you are dead! If you aren't a fan of Zombie jokes, you might want to click the back button now.  You have been warned!

How did the zombie treat every day of death?
Answer: Like he was LIVING!

Why did the zombie ignore all his new Facebook friends?
Answer: He was still DIGESTING all his old Facebook friends!

What did the zombie say to his date?
Answer: I just love a woman with BRAINS!

What did the zombie call his new dating handbook?
Answer: DYING To Meet You!

Why did the zombie buy a Jet Ski?
Answer: He wanted to ENJOY the apocalypse!

What kind of candy do zombies refuse to eat?
Answer: LIFE Savers!

Where do zombies go swimming?
Answer: The DEAD Sea!

Where is the safest place in your home from a zombie?
Answer: The LIVING room!

Do You have know any good Zombie Jokes that we missed?  Tell us in the comments section below!

Article continues below

What did the zombie say before his fight?
Answer: Do you want a PIECE of me?

Why did the zombie go crazy?
Answer: He had LOST his mind!

How are zombies like computers?
Answer: They use megaBITES!

What kind of streets do zombies like best?
Answer: DEAD end!

What did the zombie eat after his teeth were pulled?
Answer: The DENTIST!

Do zombies eat candy with their fingers?
Answer: No, they EAT the FINGERS separately!

Where do you go to buy zombies?
Answer: The monSTORE!

What did the man say to his forgetful zombie wife?
Answer: You forgot your HEAD because it wasn't attached!

Who did the zombie take out for dinner?
Answer: His GHOULfriend!

What is a zombie's favorite toy?
Answer: A DEADY bear!

What did everyone say about the big zombie party?
Answer: It was DEAD & full of STIFFS!

What did the zombie say to his date?
Answer: I just love a woman with BRAAAINS!

What was the zombie's greatest invention?
Answer: Canned BRAAAINS!

What is the difference between zombies & patched jeans?
Answer: Zombies are DEAD men, jeans are menDEAD!

What do all the Apple zombies keep telling Steve Jobs?
Answer: We're DYING to have YOU for dinner!

How did the zombie's "Grease" audition go?
Answer: Bad, they couldn't envision Danny as GREEN, ROTTING & GRUESOME!

What did the zombie hope for before his blind date?
Answer: Someone with a PULSE & plenty of BRAAAINS!

What did the zombie call his new dating handbook?
Answer: DYING To Meet You!

Why didn't the zombie get the job?
Answer: They wanted someone with more energy & less ROTTING flesh!

What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
Answer: A MOMster!

What did the zombie's friend say after she joined Greenpeace?
Answer: Uggghhh, you're one of those annoying GREEN zombies!

What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
Answer: A DEAD ringer!

Where do most zombies live?
Answer: On DEAD end streets!

Who won the zombie war?
Answer: Nobody, it was a DEAD tie!

What did the zombie's ex say when she wouldn't stop calling?
Answer: You're DEAD to me!

What do you call a dead bee?
Answer: A zomBEE!

Do zombies eat dinner with their family?
Answer: No, their family IS the dinner!

Do dark circles around the zombie's eyes make him look dead?
Answer: No, but being DEAD does!

What is a zombie's favorite meal?
Answer: A MANwich!

What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor's new car?
[expand title="Answer:" targtag="strong" trigclass="noarrow"]I'm GREEN with envy![/expand]

What did the zombie say to his wife Barbara?
Answer: I'm coming to get you, BARBARA!

How do you know a zombie is tired?
Answer: He's DEAD on his feet!

What did the zombie do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Answer: He wiped his BUTT!

Article continues below

What is a zombie's favorite shampoo?
Answer: Head & Shoulders!

What does a zombie get when he comes home late for dinner?
Answer: The cold SHOULDER!

Where do zombies go on cruises?
Answer: The DEADiterranean Sea!

What do zombies wear when it's raining?
Answer: BRAAAINcoats!

What time do zombies wake up?
Answer: At ATE o'clock!

How do zombies serve their country?
Answer: In the Marine CORPSE!

What cereal does a zombie eat for breakfast?
Answer: Raisin BRAAAINS!

What do you do if you see a zombie?
Answer: Hope it's HALLOWEEN!

Are you guys almost out of Zombie Jokes?
You can never run out of Zombie Jokes!!

Why did the zombie go to the orthodontist?
Answer: To improve his BITE!

What do you get when you cross a zombie with a snowman?
Answer: FrostBITE!

What type of dogs do zombies like best?
Answer: BLOODhound!

Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
Answer: He had LOST his GUTS!

How do zombies keep their hair in place?
Answer: With SCARE spray!

What is black, white & red all over?
Answer: A nun being EATEN by zombies!

What does it take to become a zombie?
Answer: DEADication!

When do zombies go to sleep?
Answer: When they are dead tired.

A lawyer
A doctor
And a zombie walk into a bar . . .
Answer: Three zombies walk out.

Why did the zombie leave the party?
Answer: People kept dipping chips in the back of his head!

Why did the zombie stop teaching?
Answer: He only had one pupil.

Why didn’t the zombie cross the road?
Answer: He didn’t have the guts to do it.

Where do you go when you want to buy a zombie?
Answer: To the Mon-Store

Why did the zombie try to kill the human?
Answer: Because he was hungry.

How many Zombies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer: Why are you watching Zombies screw in a light bulb, SHOOT THEM!

What's small, red, and can't turn around in a corridor?
Answer: A zombie baby impaled on a 7-foot pole.

How do you like our Zombie Jokes? Tell us below!

Article continues below

Andy Samberg`s new PSA message,(on behalf of) Citizens Are Not Naturally Ingested By Americans League (C.A.N.N.I.B.A.L.)

Andy Samberg guested on Jimmy Kimmel Live Tuesday night. During his sit-down interview, Andy Samberg decides to step up and take the first steps toward thwarting the recent climb in cannibalsim and bath salt use (the zombie drug).

Samberg begins the video with “People. They come in all shapes and sizes: tall, short, fat, thin, young and old. But it’s important to remember that whatever they look like — you shouldn’t eat ’em…”Samberg deadpans at the start of his message on behalf of the Citizens Are Not Naturally Ingested By Americans League (C.A.N.N.I.B.A.L.).

Andy Sandberg says no to cannibalism – eat a burger instead.

Andy Samberg says to follow the 5 D’s:





DENVER …just a great city.


  1. These are great! I always love some good zombie humor. I am a huge fan of the Walking Dead so anything having to do with zombies is a win in m book. I will have to try some of these out on my friends. I am sure they will appreciate them tomorrow since it is Halloween! 🙂

Leave a Reply